October 2011
Lunch Brilliant, The Other Thing Less So
BLOHARDS get more ink than A.J. Burnett's torso in huge Times spread
Ray Duffy? Never heard of him.
Noted journalist (and loyal BLOHARD) David Margolick wrote a piece for last Sunday's Times about the conflicted emotions associated with the Sox' recent success and their more recent collapse. It included a pretty close to comprehensive recap of our lunch, omitting only to mention the towering figure of Ray Duffy, the BLOHARDS' EVP of Transportation.
Observers speculated that Duffy's absence is tied to tied to factional turmoil within the always-opaque BLOHARD leadership group.
You can read the very entertaining piece here.
Opening Remarks Open Festivities
Ben Affleck being otherwise occupied, BLOHARD VP of Buildings and Grounds Joe Cosgriff made lunch's opening remarks. Best line: "Given that the Yankees have already clinched the AL East, Joe Girardi says he plans to dress only seven players for tonight's game. He's going to let the other players dress themselves."
The balance is here.
Carnac Dazzles
How Does He Do That?
John Pizzarelli donned his (imaginary) turban and inexplicably divined the answers to questions he had never seen before, and which, in fact, had been hermetically sealed and stored in a #2 mayonnaise jar under Funk and Wagnall's porch. Among the marvelments:
| A: | Grady Little and Don Zimmer. |
| Q: | Name two people who couldn't take out Pedro. |
| . | |
| A: | Expos and Yanks. |
| Q: | Name Pee Wee Herman's favorite two baseball teams. |
| . | |
| A: | Drool. |
| Q: | What did the young Yankee fan get on his SAT's? |
It was a celebrity-laden group that assembled at the Yale Club on September 23rd for our concluding lunch of the year. Red Sox Prexy Larry Lucchino and his wife Stacey joined Sox prospect (and momentary season-saver) Ryan Lavarnway, broadcaster Dave O'Brien, Jazz musician John Pizzarelli, journalist David Margolick, NESN Producer John Robert Carter, and our old pal Sarah Stevenson in rallying for the Bostonians before the fateful final six games of the season.
Not summarized elsewhere on this page were an interview betwen O'Brien and Lavarnway, both incredibly generous with their time, and trivia with John Quinn. Who knew that John "Way Back" Wasdin didn't hold the Sox record for homers allowed in a single season? It sure felt that way. Appropos of trivia, a big shoutout to BLOHARD John Mulvey for donating a couple of pairs of tix as trivia prizes. Asked about his non-participation in Quinn's frolic, Larry Lucchino (who, incidentally, closed the lunch flawlessly on short rest) explained: "I don't need the tickets."
Dates for the 2012 lunch have tentatively been set for Friday July 27 and Monday October 1.
Five Takeaways From a Season That Wasn't Meant To Be
| o | It felt dirty rooting for the Yanks. I'm glad that's over. |
| o | Jim Powers knew what he was doing when he decided against taking "Sufferers" out of the BLOHARDs name after 2004. |
| o | This is small potatoes. The weak ones were killed off between 1919 and 2003. The rest of us will be fine. |
| o | Why does everybody accuse Carl Crawford of being so much worse this season? He always used to kill the Red Sox and he did it again this year. Sounds like the same player to me. |
| o | Go Rays! |
Vote For Pizz!
Lifetime BLOHARD John Pizzarelli's version of the ESPN's "Baseball Tonight" theme has reached the semi-finals of its bracket, but up against a version performed by heavy metal rapper Zakk Wylde (who has no known BLOHARD or Red Sox affiliations), Pizz is getting crushed like a Lackey fastball. This can not stand. Voting continues through October 6th, which means, at two clicks per second, with ten hours out for hygene and sleep between now and then, you can vote for Pizz approximately four gagillion times.
It's not like you've got anything else to do with your time.
Who Read the Script, Anyway?
Narrated by a non-descript guy whose name eludes us, the Henry Berry Memorial Slideshow is kind of a blur in retrospect. There were a couple of good lines:
"A bagel shop in New York City won a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for producing the largest bagel in the history of the world. Or, as C.C. Sabathia called it, 'my morning snack'."
Also on Sabathia: "You know you're big when the National Weather Service assigns names to your farts."
On Bartolo Colon: "He still uses a translator. Fourteen years in the big leagues, and the only thing he can say in English is 'Are going to finish that?'"
Or, how about "the only person in the Mets' organization with a bigger head than Jose Reyes'"?
From the mouths of babes...
"Check the program, Burnett; maybe you're a lefty."
Ryan and Eric Cosgriff, thirteen year-old Sox fans from Jersey, had tickets behind the plate for the Saturday game. Sensing a receptive audience, they tried out their Top Ten Heckles on the lunch crowd. The bit was delivered with comic timing that did their Uncle Joe proud. You can read it here, or watch the boys here.
Tedious Collery "Inspires" Collapse
In 1776, Thomas Paine began one of the all-time great pieces of inspirational literature with the phrase " These are times that try men's souls..." 235 years later, BLOHARD Peter Collery attmepted to rework Paine's words in service of the Red Sox' playoff drive, which worked out great. Thaks a million, Pete.
Collery's words, for all those interested in not being inspirational, are available here.