|Slide Show, Duffy Shine
Noting that he had enough material to "make a uniform for CC Sabathia in the third year of his new contract", BLOHARD EVP for Transportation Ray Duffy presided over a (mean) spirited and highly entertaining Henry Berry Memorial Slide Show. Ray led off with a recap of the opening day bus trip(s), digressed into a symposium on the surprising durability of ketchup, reprised the Sox' early series domination of the Yanks, and, in the oratorical equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel, mocked the vast wasteland of over-priced, under-utilized seats around home plate at the New Yankee Stadium.
Other topics covered included Roger Clemens, the Steinbrenners, uniform snafus and unsportsmanlike mascot races. In the show's climax, Alex Rodriguez received not only the bi-annually awarded "Horse's Ass" honorific, but a well-deserved and never-before-awarded "Lifetime Achievement" version of the prize. Various forms of passing by an eclectic collection of baseball luminaries were also noted. You really should have been there.
Collery Whines To Little Effect
Already burdened with a, let's say, slow moving collection of shirts and hats, the BLOHARDS were dealt a stunning blow when Major League Baseball introduced a knock-off version of the BLOHARD-invented "Got Rings Lately?" t-shirt. Rendered frantic by warehouses teeming with unsold apparel, BLOHARD VP Peter Collery issued a rambling and frequently incoherent denunciation of the ersatz t-shirt.
It should be noted that in the two-week period immediately following this speech, two of the bona fide shirts were sold, representing an increase of infinity percent over sales in the comparable prior period. Sales have subsequently returned to prior levels. You can read the Collery rant here, although you've almost certainly got better things to do with your time.
Flavin offers poetic tribute
Dick Flavin, poet laureate of The Great Fenway Park Writers Series graced the crowd with a reading of his recently composed ode: "Teddy on the Mound". The poem, which recounts Senator Kennedy's throwing out the first pitch of the 2009 Fenway season, can be read in its entirety here along with a bunch of Dick's other work.
Two Viewing Parties Set
BLOHARDS of all descriptions will be gathering at Professor Thom's on June 9 to watch the Sox pummel the Yankees, and again on the 29th to witness similar treatment of the Orioles. Both games are at 7:00, and if you think you'd like to go, it'd be smart to email Joe, especially for the Yankees game when seats are likely to be at a premium.
|Who Says It's Not Easy Being Green?
Surprising starter dishes on Tito, Lou, Joe, more
Shortstop Nick Green, looking more like a grad student in literature than the starting shortstop for a first divsion team, Green with Dave O'Brien
Green also described his rationale for signing with the Red Sox of the '09 season, saying "I go over the depth charts just like anyone else." Among the factors tipping the balance for the Sox were Boston's depth and the likelihood that the team would be playing important games in October. Asked by O'Brien which team's fans "hate better" - the Yanks or the Sox - Green diplomatically chose the Bombers' partisans - - few of whom, it should be noted, were present at the luncheon.
A horde of happy diners
Clearly mistaking our gathering for the moveon.org meeting taking place across the hall, luncheon "closer" Ed Randall (of Talking Baseball fame) rared back and (mis)fired a series of Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, and Larry Craig fastballs, loading the bases on walks faster than you can say "Dontrelle Willis." But after the Papelbon in him found the zone with a few A-Rod- and-cousin-Wacky jokes, Ed dodged the proverbial bullet and got us out of there with a narrow win.
We'd be remiss...
if we neglected to mention that a few items of BLOHARD(TM) brand apparel are still available, and we hate being remiss. Ask about our 5% discount on orders of 144 pieces or more.
| Pizzarelli Kills
Our old friend Jazz guitarist and singer John Pizzarelli played a prominent role in the festivities. First, channeling Johnny Carson, he did an entertaining Carnac the Magnificent bit. Highlights follow:
A: Catch 22.
Q: What Gary Sheffield would do if you hit him 100 fly balls?
Pizz does Carnac with Joe Cosgriff
Q: Without using a GPS, where you will find David Wells at THIS moment.
A: Yankee food court
Q: Location in the new Stadium where you can declare bankruptcy during the game.
Pizzarelli also debuted a song which is likely to become a popular part of his repertoire, at least in venues north of New Haven. Entitled "My Hip", it's a jazzy little number sung from the point-of-view of Yankee slugger (and BLOHARD favorite) Alex Rodriguez. You can watch it here.
Nobody Emcees like Joe C
Frequently taps mic to verify its continued functioning
Master of Ceremonies Joe Cosgriff kept the proceedings moving at a smart clip while leavening his remarks with some smart quips. Stressing topicality, Joe noted that the CDC had issued a "swine flu" advisory, recommending that that people either stay home or stick to sparsely populated areas - - "like the Yankee Stadium box seats".
Joe also noted that according to Forbes Magazine, the Yankees were the most valuable franchise in sports with a worth of $1.5 billion, or "$1,500,000,927.05 when Joba returns his empties". Citing Selena Roberts' just-that-day published book I Was Young and It Was My Cousin's Idea, Joe noted that authorities investigating reports that ARod had tipped pitches to players on opposing teams had developed several promising leads, but that the Yankee bullpen had blown them all.
Joe's remarks can be read in toto here.